Once again, I have been trying on pants. One brand after another, and then another yet. I arrived home with… a skirt.

What has gotten into clothing designers over the years, and who are these women that these pants are designed to fit, whom apparently have no hips, a huge arse, a big gut, chicken legs, and are a size 2 with a 36-38 inch inseam?! I did not even know it was possible to have pants that could be too tight from side to side, and sagging in the front and back.

I must be doing something wrong, along with no shortage of other women who have written similar commentary under countless styles of pants, on the numerous websites of many a popular clothier.  Perhaps, I’ve been trying them on incorrectly – as in sideways. Are they meant to be worn with the zipper and buttons on the side, as I stand one leg forward, and one leg back, wearing platform heels? Aaah! That must be it.

Or maybe… just maybe, somewhere, in some third world country, the patterns were cut based on measurements taken by the village idiot after sizing up an elderly donkey.

Either way, there are a lot of clothing manufacturers that had better get back to the drawing board, because they have obviously forgotten how a woman is supposed to be shaped.